There once was a lady from Venus
Who's body was shaped like a penis
She called herself "Dick"
but twas merely a trick
for her sense of humor was quite heinous
This joke was submitted by garo on 20-Nov-2001
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| Why does Osama bin Laden carry a piece of shit in his pocket? A: Because it is his photo ID.
This joke was submitted by Kenneth Griffin on 9-Nov-2001
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For some time many of us have
wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
find ourselves at a loss when someone
ays, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts,
you can now respond in an intelligent way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married
O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt,
Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins
Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her
parents' objections, Deap Schitt married
Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and
Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living
with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then
known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,
and they produced a son with a rather
nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt
and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the
Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,
Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal
son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian
bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack
Schitt," you can tell them that you're full of Schitt
information.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
This joke was submitted by Dark Wölf on 14-Oct-2001
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TARZAN AND JANE When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was
attracted to him and during her questions about his life. She asked him
how he had sex."Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree". Horrified she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but
I will show you how
to do it properly". She took off her clothes and laid
down on the ground.
"Here", she said, "you must put it here". Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and then
gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually managed to
gasp, "what did you do that for"? "Tarzan check for bees".
This joke was submitted by Torre on 25-Aug-2001
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THE MIDGET HORSEMAN
There was a man who had a horse for sale. His friend called him to say that he knew someone who was interested in buying the horse who was also a midget.
The man said 'sure send him over'.
So the Midget made an appointment to see the horse. When he arrived, he looked at the horse and said,'nice horth'.
He continued, 'firth I would like to thee the horth's mouth'...
So the man lifted the midget up to see the horse's mouth.
'second I would like to thee the horth's eyeth'...so, again the man lifted him up to see the eyes.
'And I would also like to thee the horth's ears'...the man was starting to get irritated, but once again he lifted the midget up to see the horse's ears.
'And finally, I would like to thee the horth's twat'....
....by now the man was fed up with him and picked him up and shoved the midgets head all the way into the horse's twat and pulled him out.
'perhaths, I should rephrase....I would like to see the horth run'.
This joke was submitted by Torre on 25-Aug-2001
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CNN just released the ingredients in Viagra: 2% aspirin, 3% ibuprofen, and 95% fix-a-flat
This joke was submitted by kRaZyToWn on 14-Aug-2001
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Three men are sleeping in the same bed together.In the morning they started discussing their dreams.The man on the right said "i had a dream that i was having a hand job".
The man on the left said "i had a dream that i was having a hand job too".
Then the man in the middle replyed,
"Thats really weird,i had a dream that i was skiing."
This joke was submitted by Luke Duke on 5-Aug-2001
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Does anyone else think it's funny that Success magazine has filed for bankruptcy?
This joke was submitted by Mental Jokes on 29-Jul-2001
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| Q. How can you piss off winnie the pooh??? A. Stick your two fingers in his honey!
This joke was submitted by fain2feng_shui on 16-Jun-2001
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| Q. Why do gypsies walk with bent knees? A. Because they've got crystal balls.
This joke was submitted by ADRI on 19-May-2001
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