It is the first day of classes. The teacher walks in and says, "Children... Children, listen up. We are going to play a little guessing game to start off the day. I will put something behind my back, give two clues and you have to tell me what it is. Ready?"
The teacher grabs something from out of her desk and puts it behind her back. "What I have behind my back is long and yellow. What is it?"
Johnny throws up his hand, "I know, I know!"
Knowing how perverted little Johnny is the teacher ignored him and asked Anna. "Is it a Bannana?"
"No, it's a pencil but I like the way your thinking!" She puts the pencil down and grabs something else. "Now this object is round and red. What is it?"
Once again Little Johnny begins to scream and holler, "I know, I know!", and once again the teacher ignores him. "Paul, what is it?"
"Is it an apple?"
"No, it's a ball, but I like the way your thinking."
All of the sudden Johnny slams his books down and storms up to the front of the room. "You know teacher, I am really sick of this bulls$(*!!! I think its time we play a little guessing game of our own." He reaches deep into his pocket. "Now I have something in my hand thats round, hard and has a head! What is it???"
"Oh my god, Johnny don't you dare pull out your penis!"
"No, it's a quarter... BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING!"
This joke was submitted by Chris Trimble on 11-Dec-2000
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Little Johnny sat playing in the garden.
When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm.
She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!"
Trying to convince him further she noted, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby worm."
"No, she isn't," said Johnny.
"How do you know she's not?" said the mother.
"Because I ate her first!" answered Little Johnny.
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 14-Nov-2000
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Johnny and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch. Johnny gets up and goes to the shed in the back yard and takes out some chicken wire. Grandpa says what are you going to do with that? Johnny says, gonna catch me some chickens. It dont work like that grandpa says. Just watch me replies Johnny. An hour later Johnny returns with two chickens one in each hand. Holy sh#@ thought grandpa, Johnny went back to the shed. This time he has some duck tape. Again granpa asks, What are going to do with that. Johnny says; gonna catch me some ducks. It dont work like that grandpa says.Watch me said Johnny. An hour later here came Johnny with two ducks one in each hand.Holy Sh#@ grandpa thought. Johnny went back to the shed, this time he had a stick. Grandpa asks whatcha got there? Johnny says pussywillow. Grandpa says, let me go get my coat!
This joke was submitted by Johnny D. on 26-Oct-2000
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Little Johnny's dad was a bus driver and Little Johnny wanted to be just like his dad. One day his dad brought him home a bus driver hat and badge. Little Johnny was so excited. He went outside got on his tricycle and tore off down the block. Pretty soon he stopped and said "All you mother f#$%#$s getting on the bus get on the bus, all you mother f@#$%^s getting off the bus get off, and all you mother f@#$%^s staying on the bus, get to the back of the bus!"
This went on all afternoon. When it was time to go home Little Johnny pulled into the back yard and went thru the entire speal in front of his mother. "Little Johnny that is no way to talk!" and spanked him..
To this Little Johnny replied "It's mother f@#$%^s like you that make the bus late"
This joke was submitted by Wes Robinson on 29-Sep-2000
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| The teacher was trying to get the children to string a sentence out using the word "beautiful" two times in the same sentence. "Well Mary, what is your sentence?" Mary replied, "My mother bought me a beautiful red dress which makes me look beautiful." "Very good!", say's the teacher, "Now Johnny, your turn". To which Johnny say's, "My mother came in last night and said "I'm pregnant", my father said, "Beatiful, just f$*&ing beautiful".
This joke was submitted by Davey on 6-May-2000
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| A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching Little Johnny efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which Little Johnny replies, "Now we run!"
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 29-Dec-1999
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| A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny? Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 29-Dec-1999
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