There is this senior in high-school and he is mad because he has to share his room with his little brother, who is 9, they have bunk-beds and the older brother is on top...so one night the big brother comes home with his girlfriend for a little fun....he says to her.."My lil brother is asleep, whisper tomato for harder and lettuce for a different position." so they get up in the top bunk and start to do it, she begins saying lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato." eventually she begins to yell "LETUCE, TOMATO, LETTUCE, TOMATO" finally the lil brother wakes up and says "would you two quit making sandwhiches up there, your getting mayonaise all over my face."
This joke was submitted by Paul on 31-Jan-2002
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| Little johnny wanted to walk to school all his life but his mom would never allow it, even knowing that the school was just around the block. SO finally little johnny is in 3rd grade so his mom lets him walk to school but she calls his teacher and says if my little johnny isnt there right when school starts i want you to call me right away. so littly johnnys mom watches him walk down the street until he tured to corner and she could no longer watch then she want in side. Mean while when school started littl johnny hadn't arrived yet, to his teacher picks up the phone and starts to diel his house to tell his mother he wasnt there, as soon as she is starting to diel little johnny walks in and his teacher asks johnny why are you late, he explains that while walking to school hs say a dog get hit in the @$$ by a car, the teacher exclames johnny we dont say @$$ in our class room, we say rectum. little johny says RECTUM? Hell it killed him!
This joke was submitted by Kirsten on 26-Jan-2002
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Want to hear a dirty joke:Little Johnny fell in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke:He took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear a dirty joke: bubbles was his horse.
This joke was submitted by Adam on 12-Jan-2002
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Little Johnny was taking a bath one night and his dad walked in and asked for the vasoline and little johnny handed it to him. then his dad went back to his room the next morning little johnny went to eat breakfast and didn't see his mommy and daddy so he asked his grandma where they were she said they havn't came down for breakfast and little johnny laughed a little then went out to play at lunch johnny still didn't see his mommy and daddy and he asked his grandma where they were she said they still havn't came down from there room yet and little johnny laughs a little harder then he goes to play at supper he comes in and still doesn't see him mommy and daddy and asks his grandma where they are and she says they still havn't came down yet and little johnny laughs till he hits the ground and his grandma asks what is the matter little johnny and he says well last night daddy came in the bathroom and asked for the vasoline and instead i handed him the SUPER GLUE!!!!
This joke was submitted by Stephane on 2-Dec-2001
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Little Johnny on the track,
heard the engine squeal.
Now the engine's coming back,
scraping Johnny off the wheel.
This joke was submitted by Harry Nevus on 20-Sep-2001
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One day little johnny came home from school with a note pinned to his shirt. The note read: Dear little johnny's mom, apparently little johnny has been having some trouble with telling the difference between girls and boys. Please sit down with little johnny and explain this to him. Sighned, little johnny's teacher. After reading this note little johnny's mom took little johnny into her room and shut the door. "okay little johnny," his mother said. "First tak off my high heels. Then take off my panty hose. Then take off my dress. Now take off my bra and panties. NOW NEVER WEAR MY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL AGAIN!!!!!
This joke was submitted by Andrea on 9-Jun-2001
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Little johnny walks past a priest and the priest says, johnny do you believe in god? johnny says no. You should says the priest, god is there, there, and over there. Johnny says is he in my dads ferrari? Yes of course he is says the priest. Johnny says you're lying, my dad hasn't got a ferrari!
This joke was submitted by Matthew on 4-Jun-2001
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Little johnny sees his grandfather smoking and asks can he try. The old man says can you touch your ass with your dick yet? No says johnny. Then you can't have some says his grandad. Then the old geezer is drinking alcohol. Johnny asks can he have some. But he cant as he can touch his ass with his dick yet. later Johnny is eating cookies and his grandfather asks can he have some. Johnny asks,"can you touch your ass with your dick yet?" Why of course i can replies the grandfather. Johnny then said THEN GO AND F**K YOURSELF!
This joke was submitted by Matthew on 4-Jun-2001
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Little Johnny's sitting on the street corner playin with battery acid, when a priest walked up and said, "Johnny, you should play with holy water instead. Johnny says, "Why is that?". The priest says, "I put holy water on a pregnant lady and she passed a baby". Little Johnny says to the priest, "That ain't sh*t. I put battery acid on a cat's ass and he passed a Volkswagon!"
This joke was submitted by ACE on 2-May-2001
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| Little Johnny's dad gave him and his 2 brothers each a duck and said "I want you all to go out and sell your duck, the one that gets the most for their duck will be my favorite for this week." Little Johnny's biggest brother came home and said he got $5 for his duck. Little Johnny's little brother came home and said that he got $10 for his duck. Little Johnny went out and saw a lady on the street and said, "I will trade you this duck for a F@*&." The lady traded him and after the sex Little Johnny saw a girl with a duck too. Little Johnny said "I will trade you a F@*& for a duck." They traded and after that Little Johnny threw his duck in the streeet and it got run over by a steam-roller. Johnny sold his messed up duck to a blind boy for $20. When he got home he told his father that he got a F@*& for a duck, a duck for a F@*&, and $20 for a F@*&ED up duck!
This joke was submitted by booman on 7-Feb-2001
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