| Q: What do lawyers use for birth control? A: Their personalities.
This joke was submitted by anonymous on 2-Sep-2001
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| Q: What do you call 200 lawyers lying on the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start.
This joke was submitted by anonymous on 2-Sep-2001
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| Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman.
This joke was submitted by anonymous on 2-Sep-2001
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There were three doctors sitting in a lounge talking about who they like to operate on the best. One said I like to work on mechanics,the others asked why, he replied , they understand if you have a few parts left over. The second said thae he likes to operate on librarians. The others asked why, he replied, when you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order. The third doctor said he like the easiest, lawyers. The other two asked why, he replied that they are gutless, spinless, heartless, and their heads and asses are inter-changeable.
This joke was submitted by Donovan L. Jackson Sr. on 26-Mar-2001
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| Q. What is the difference between a laywer and a hooker? A. A hooker stops f@#king you when you are dead.
This joke was submitted by Brandon on 29-Oct-2000
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Q. How do you tell if a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving!
This joke was submitted by Lizzi Dunbar on 3-Sep-2000
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In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here's what happened:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 21-Jan-2000
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An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward and continued, "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "When he sued me for the money."
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 14-Jan-2000
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A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!!!"
"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.
"Congratulations for what?!?!?" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be
160 years old."
"But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I only lived to be forty.""That's impossible," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 30-Dec-1999
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| A man walks into the lawyer's office and asks, "How much would it cost me to ask you three questions?" The lawyer thinks for a moment and says "$100,000." The man gasps and stammers, "Don't you think that's a bit much for just three questions?" The lawyer thinks again for a moment and says, "No, not really, now what's your third question."
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 29-Dec-1999
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