Doctor, doctor I feel like a pair of curtains
doctor: go home and pull yourself together
This joke was submitted by jo on 17-Oct-2002
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doctor doctor my dogs got no nose
docter:how does he smell?
terrible
This joke was submitted by jo on 17-Oct-2002
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guy walks into the doctor and says " doctor i'm no feelin too grand" the doctor says" why whats wrong with you?" "i've got a really sore ass" replies the man, "well let me have a look" the man pulls down his pants and the doctor finds a £20 note half sticking out, so he removes it, only to find another, this keeps happening for aboult half an hour, "right that seems to be the last one" says the doc, "how much is there doc" says the man, the doctor counts the money "£1900" replies the doctor, "told you i wasnae feeling two grand!!!"
This joke was submitted by Euan McKee on 16-Mar-2002
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| Scooby Doo There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed.
One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?'' He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
This joke was submitted by sss on 11-Jan-2002
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| An Order of Spaghetti A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.'' Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.'' The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'''
This joke was submitted by sss on 11-Jan-2002
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a doctor says to his patient, "i have some good news and some bad news for you."
"what's the good news?" says the patient.
"well," says the doctor, "we're going to name a disease after you!"
This joke was submitted by taddy on 30-Oct-2001
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There was this lady who could not stop farting. She could not hear them or smell them, but she knew she was farting. So she decided to go to the doctor. The doctor asked her what her problem was. She replied "well doctor I have a farting problem. You can't hear them or smell them but I just want to stop." she said "as a matter of fact I have farted 10 times since I have been here." So the doctor gave her some medicine and said come back in a week. So when she went back to the doctor she told the doctor, "doctor I don't know what you gave me but now my farts just smell awful. The doctor said ok now we are going to work on your hearing.
This joke was submitted by cassie on 1-Aug-2001
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Follow Directions!
If you have a lot of tension and you get headaches,
do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two and keep away from children."
This joke was submitted by Mental Jokes on 29-Jul-2001
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A male stripper runs into a doctors surgery wearing a long trench coat. On the bench opposite him are 3 old ladys. He unbuttons his coat and flashes his bits at them. The first woman has a stroke. The second woman has a stroke. The third woman has athritis and couldn't reach!
This joke was submitted by Matthew on 4-Jun-2001
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A doctor tells a guy after an examination, I have some good news and some bad news, what do you want first. The guy says, "Give me the good news." The doctor tells him he only has 24 hours to live. The guy says "That's the good news? What the hell could be the bad news?" The doctor says " I was supposed to tell you yesterday!"
This joke was submitted by Dannyboy on 20-May-2001
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