yo mamas so ugly that when she went to work in a strip club they paid her to keep her clothes on.
This joke was submitted by joey on 10-Apr-2003
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| A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was f**k your brains out and suck your tits dry.” “What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she undresses. The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”
This joke was submitted by Jeff, Dallas TX on 27-Jan-2003
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"I'm going to need a urine sample" said the doctor to the old man.
"EH??" replied the old man.
The old man's wife yelled into his ear, "THE DOCTOR SAYS HE'S GOING TO NEED A URINE SAMPLE FROM YOU!!!"
"oh" said the deaf old man. The doctor continued, "And I'm going to need a small blood sample."
"EH?" says the old man.
His wife yells straigtt into his ear "HE SAID HE'S GOING TO NEED A BLOOD SAMPLE!!"
"oh" he says.
The doctor says "And I'm also going to need a stool sample."
"Eh...?"
The old wife shouts in his ear: "HE WANTS A PAIR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
This joke was submitted by RJ on 8-Jan-2003
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A reporter visited a man who looks very old but is still very strong. So the reporter asked the men whats his secret of his being still strong despite of his age.
The man answered"My secrets are liquor,girls,drugs and other vices you can think of"
The reporter was so amazed of the mans answer, so he asked the man again "So please tell us how old are you"
The man answered "22"
This joke was submitted by anonymous on 11-Nov-2002
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An old lady goes to the doctor because she has this bad case of female itching going on down there and she saw some bugs. The doctor comes in and ask her what the problem is? She tells the doctor she has crabs and so he checks her out and he tells her that she does not have crabs and she gets mad and told him that she knows she has crabs and gets her purse and walks out of his office. She goes to another doctor for a second opinion. The doctor comes in and he ask her what her problem was and she explains to him that she has already went to another doctor and that she thinks she has the crabs. The doctor says let me check you. He then comes back in to her room and he tells her that she does not have crabs. She jumps up and starts cussing and she said she knows that she has the crabs and that he was wrong also. He tells her calm down and let me explain what your problem is. He told her that it was not crabs but her cherry has rotted and that she is full of fruit flies.
This joke was submitted by Ricky Josey on 11-Jan-2002
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Old age is when your dreams are dry and your farts are wet
This joke was submitted by Alan Stevens on 11-Aug-2001
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The trouble with old age is that it doesn't last long!
This joke was submitted by KENDRICK on 14-Nov-2000
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You're so old that when you fart dust comes out your a#$.
This joke was submitted by cortney powell on 14-Sep-2000
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A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace...
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 21-Jan-2000
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Old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs.
You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so long as you don't have to go along to.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
This joke was submitted by Anonymous on 14-Jan-2000
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